The shattered mirror
How do you navigate through the pain and struggles that seem to weigh your body down so deeply? For me, the journey started with finding unhealthy ways to cope, like self harming and even having thoughts of suicide. But looking back, I can see that the root of it all began in a place where I didn’t trust myself, a place where I couldn’t see my own worth. I allowed these things to happen because, even though I had a loving upbringing, somewhere along the way, I began to perceive the world differently. I didn’t fully understand or value who I truly was, and I carried that belief with me into adulthood.
As I grew older and learned more about my emotions, I began to recognise that self hatred was another way to escape the pain I was feeling. I had unknowingly accepted an environment that wasn’t healthy for me, but more importantly, I had accepted that I wasn’t worthy of better. I didn’t trust my own voice, my own judgment, and it led me down a path where I allowed others to treat me poorly because I didn’t believe I deserved more.
In my early days, I began journaling, a practice that would later become one of my most powerful tools for healing and self awareness. Writing helped me see the parts of myself I had long buried, including the fact that I had been treating myself poorly by allowing toxic patterns to control my life. My journal was a mirror, showing me how much I had become an empty shell, disconnected from my true self. I had built walls around my emotions, hiding from the truth because I didn’t know how to face it. But through writing, I started to peel back those layers and understand that the pain I carried was deeply tied to my lack of self trust, to the emotions I put on myself as a child.
I used to think I had to fix everything around me and bow down to everyone, but what I came to realise is that the most important shift needed to happen inside of me. I still struggled with self loathing, but I knew I needed to make healthier choices, to replace these destructive habits with something that would help me rebuild my confidence and trust in myself. Running became a pivotal part of my healing journey. For six months, I ran every day, not just to stay fit but to reclaim my strength, to break free from the toxic patterns I had accepted as normal.
Through this process, I started to focus on my higher self, engaging in shadow work and self reflection, digging into the reasons behind the choices I had made, and why I had allowed certain cycles to repeat. I explored generational trauma and the emotional patterns I had inherited, unravelling them so I could understand why I kept repeating behaviours that weren’t serving me.
Despite the progress I’ve made, healing is never linear. I’m still human, and the behaviours I thought I had overcome sometimes resurface. There are moments when I feel like I’m back in those old patterns, trapped in environments that make me feel powerless, disconnected from my own power. It’s in those moments that I question whether I’m truly healing or if I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t seem to break.
But here’s where I’ve learned to shift my perspective, I’m realising that healing doesn’t mean perfection, and the pain I feel isn’t a sign that I’ve failed. It’s a sign that I’m human, that I’m learning and growing. Instead of falling back into the darkness, I am learning to empower myself, to trust in my ability to rise again. Healing isn’t about never feeling lost, it’s about knowing I have the strength to find my way back.
Writing has been an essential part of my healing process. It gives me a space to express the thoughts and emotions I might struggle to say aloud. Through journaling, I confronted the painful truths about my life, about the ways I had been neglecting myself, about how much I had allowed others to shape my sense of worth. It was in my writing that I began to see how much I had abandoned my true self, how much I had ignored my own needs in favour of others.
Now, as I continue to heal, I’m also embracing energy healing—both for myself and for others. Through energy work, I’ve learned that healing isn’t just about physical changes; it’s about realigning and restoring balance to the energy within us. The emotional and mental blockages we carry can manifest in so many ways, affecting our lives and our ability to thrive. But energy healing has shown me that we all have the power to reclaim our own energy, to release the blockages that hold us back, and to trust in our ability to heal ourselves.
As I work with others, I help guide them in reconnecting with their own power, teaching them to trust themselves and their ability to heal. It’s not about fixing them; it’s about empowering them to take ownership of their healing process. In so many ways, both writing and energy healing are pathways back to trust—to trust in ourselves, in our own strength, and in the power of our inner wisdom.
I’m no longer the empty shell I once was—and I’m learning, step by step, that I don’t have to become that again. I am worthy of love, respect, and healing. I’m learning to trust myself again, to believe that my voice matters, and to know that the path to healing is one that I walk on my own terms.
