Saved

I was about to be saved by Christianity and turn my back on everything I had come to know about spirituality and the New Age. But then it all clicked.

This huge shift made me realise I was just chasing another quick fix.

For years, I thought I was broken. That I needed to heal. That my life had unfolded the way it did because of trauma. So I dug deep, searching for the cure, believing that if I just healed enough, I’d finally be whole.

But here's the truth: I didn’t need to heal — at least, not in the way I thought. The trauma cycle is a rabbit hole that never ends, and whether it makes you better or worse... well, that’s a whole other post.

I spent so much time chasing peace — searching for that elusive calm I thought was just beyond the next breakthrough. I was always reaching, always trying to fix something within myself. But no matter how much inner work I did, it felt like I was stuck in an endless loop.

And then one day… everything just felt still.

There was no grand moment, no spiritual awakening — just a quiet. I wasn’t reacting, overthinking, or bracing for impact. I wasn’t hyperaware or overanalytical. I wasn’t trying to “feel better.” I just… was.

At first, I didn’t trust it. I wondered if I was shutting down or going numb.

But no — I was finally calm.

After living with a dysregulated nervous system for as long as I can remember, the quiet felt unfamiliar. But it was gentle. My thoughts were still there, but they no longer controlled me. I didn’t have to fix, chase, or perform.

As I softened into this new space, I realised I hadn’t gone cold — I had found balance. I could still laugh deeply, feel joy, and revel in the small pleasures of life. But I wasn’t doing it from a place of survival anymore.

For so long, I had been chasing — not to prove myself to the world, but to myself. After being told for years that I wasn’t smart enough, beautiful enough, or worthy of anything meaningful, I internalised the belief that I had to earn my value.

I spent so much time chasing things that no longer served me — goals that weren’t mine to begin with, relationships that drained me, healing modalities that promised quick fixes but left me feeling empty. I ran toward anything that would make me feel like I mattered, anything that would fill the void I thought I had. But the more I chased, the further I seemed to get from what I truly needed.

But now, I’m here. Present with my life. Clear about my future. Rooted in love — not fear.

I no longer need to chase peace.

I am peace