Awakening the Awakening

In modern spiritual terms, I escaped the matrix. But now, I see there is no such thing as the matrix—only layers of perception, shifting as we evolve. What once felt like breaking free was just another threshold, a doorway into a new way of seeing.

At first, it was euphoric. I shed the weight of expectations; the invisible shackles of a system designed to make me into someone I never truly was. New Age spirituality sang to me like no one had before, whispering promises of liberation, of belonging. It made me feel seen. Finally. Like I wasn’t alone. Like the misfits, the rebels, the ones who refused to conform had always been my people.

For a while, it was easy to believe that everything wrong in my life had been someone else’s fault—society, conditioning, the people who didn’t understand me. But the deeper I journeyed, the more the script flipped. I reached a level where all the blame dissolved, and I realised: it was me all along. No villains, no puppeteers pulling my strings. Every experience, every struggle, every moment of suffering—I had allowed it. Not as a victim, but as a soul walking a path I had unknowingly chosen for my own growth.

And now? Now, I find myself standing on the edge of something even more uncertain. What happens when you evolve past the belief systems that once set you free? Do you circle back to the traditions you once rejected? Do you look to the stars and embrace an entirely new paradigm, an alien philosophy? Or do you sit in the stillness of not knowing, letting the mystery be enough?

All I know is that in this moment, I feel more lost than I ever did before. Tapping into my higher self didn’t bring the clarity I expected—it shattered everything I thought I knew.

So where to next?

Maybe that’s the real question. Maybe awakening was never about escaping anything. Maybe it was about learning to walk through the unknown, again and again, without needing an answer at all.