Divorce made me a Woman
Losing Myself in Marriage, Finding Myself in Divorce
Divorce changed me in ways I never could have anticipated. At 38, with three young children and a successful business partnership with my ex-husband, it seemed like the world was at my feet. But little did I know, that when I walked away from that marriage, I was also stepping into a profound personal transformation.
It might sound absurd, but in many ways, I feel that divorce forced me to grow up. When I made the decision to leave, I vowed never to be financially dependent on anyone again. In hindsight, this might have seemed like a bit of a drastic promise. In the years following the divorce, financial struggles became my reality, and I found myself giving away money to others, believing they needed it more. But deep down, this vow was a commitment to reclaiming my independence and self-worth.
Leaving a marriage, especially one where I had lost myself, was like hitting a reset button. I had given everything to my ex-husband—my identity, my sense of value, and even my dreams. I had fallen into a deeply ingrained pattern that because I didn’t have a career or go to university, my purpose would be found in marriage and motherhood. I thought that was who I was meant to be.
But after the divorce, I was forced to confront a reality I wasn’t prepared for: who was I, really?
At first, it felt like I was returning to the person I thought I should have been in my early twenties—wild, carefree, and seeking validation in all the wrong places. I dated even when I wasn’t interested, let others dictate my next steps in all aspects of my life, and drifted through life without a real direction. My identity was lost, and I was overwhelmed by the task of figuring out who I was, outside of the roles I had played for so long.
The truth is, I went through what I can only describe as a five-year hiatus from the world. More time alone than I could ever have imagined. It was hard to not feel pitied by others, but I realise now that this solitude was essential for my healing. I spent more time reflecting, rebuilding, and rewriting the story of who I was meant to be. There were moments when I felt broken, especially as I watched my ex-husband move on quickly, remarrying just one year after our separation, marrying the day after our divorce was official. But those painful experiences were the catalyst for my growth.
Divorce isn’t just the end of a relationship; for me, it was the beginning of a deep personal rebirth. It gave me the opportunity to rediscover who I am beyond being a mother, beyond being someone’s wife. The fire that burns in me now wasn’t there right after the divorce. But with time and self-reflection, I’ve come to know my worth and my desires. I’ve learned that my life and my happiness don’t depend on anyone else but me.
It’s not easy, and the journey has been long. But today, I stand as the woman I am meant to be. Strong, independent, and unapologetically myself. I don’t need to look back anymore. I’ve written my own story.
